Monday's vent

I feel like I have been trying to be who I used to be. Trying to juggle everything to get to do things I used to love and enjoy, just so I can feel like myself again. But instead of feeling like myself, I feel crushed. Crushed underneath all these things I am trying to put on my shoulders in order to feel good. But I don't feel good. I am out of balnce once again and very hard to stay on course. 

 Everything feels like a responsibility. Cooking, gym, studying, even taking a shower and wash my hair. I don't want to wash my hair. I don't want to cook. I want a break, I want a holiday. 

I want TIME. Time to figure myself out. Time to regain my confidence and faith in myself. Time to regain clarity, and my vision of what I really want in life. Is that too much to ask? In this world, it probably is.

A world I don't feel safe in. Where no one cares about the other, where one's self is always more important in every possible way imaginable. Who wants to live in this world anyway? I certainly do not feel like I am living my life. My life is half dead. Murdered by obligations, rules, laws, responsibilites, things to take care of all the time, things that need attention. And where am I on this list? Not even on it, that is where. 

Life would be so much easier if all we have is ourselves to take care of, without limitations everywhere. If we could just live in harmony, peace and tru unconditional love for one another this planet would be a happy place. Life would be happy.

Thanks for reading.