Tuesday blues

 I can't believe it happened again. Actually, I can't believe I let it happen again. I let other people's shit bring me down. I let you hurt me once again. And I am so furious. With you. With myself. With the whole world. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! is what I want to scream at you all. And even though my mouth can't do it, my heart and soul can, and they do, so loud and so quiet, only I can hear. Only I can feel. The weight of it, so damn full and heavy. 
I am not sure I can carry it on my shoulder with my head held high. I feel like giving up again, let all the weight pull me down and crush me. 

I am so desparate for a break again. I really want some peace. I feel so hopeless.

Can someone save me please?

Fall

 Do you ever watch it raining? Just standing by the window, watching it pour down, following the drops roll down the window. Overlooking the fields behind the house, lush green fields and blue sky with just a few grey clouds floating around. Listening to the rain fall on the window and the roof. And then realizing how peaceful it is, how quiet it is. As the rain chases everybody under a covered place, the streets get empty, cars stop. The the rain gets harder, like it really needs to let it all out, and then it gets quiet again but does not stop just yet. Like it is trying to make a point. after all the drammatic fall, chasing everybody away it leaves you with nothing but clear blue skies and fresh autumn air. Looking at trees, starting to dress up in their autumn colours. And the sun starts to shine, to let you know the warmth and light of it is still here, even if all the clouds try to hide it, pull a veil over it, it still shines through.

God, I love autumn. What a beautiful season!