Posts
If I learnt one thing during my holiday is that your demons do not give you a break. They are always around, lurking, waiting for the opportunity to grab you and drag you back to your worst place and not let you go until there is not a shed of light left inside you. They don't care if you go on holiday to get a break from everything. They don't care that you need time to relax so you have a fresh mind to fight them back off. They will just keep going and going at you, chew you up and spit you out. And they will do it again and again. No time to recover, no time to defend. It is constant.
What does one do when everything feels so dead inside? How does one find light when everything is so dark and cold? How does one find the will to keep looking after all the disappointment of finding nothing?
And I cannot help but wonder, is there anything else than hopelessness in life? Is there anything else inside than just that black void? That very thing that keeps trying to suck me in. The very thing that houses all my demons. The demons who do not give me a break. No matter how much I need it.
They say that we have two wolves inside us and it is up to us which one we feed. Well you know what, I have a third one called depression and it doesn't need feeding by me because it just feeds itself. It takes. And takes. And takes. Takes everything I hold dear, leaving me and the other wolves nothing.
Just end my suffering already.
